Freshmen Follies: And Then There Were Three (with apologies to A. A. Milne)
by Kathy Jones, DHS Teacher/Parent

Recently a parent asked me to write about the importance of students, parents and teachers working together as a team. I have had my share of awkward and unproductive parent-teacher conferences, as a parent and a teacher. As a parent, I have attended many conferences over the past 23 years. I fondly remember when my son's first grade teacher produced a sheet of simple words that first graders were expected to decode. On Ben's paper she had circled only two words. My husband told her that he knew what the problem was: there were just not enough one and two-letter words in the English language.

On the teacher's side of the desk my low point occurred twenty-some years ago at the former Cockeysville High School. While meeting with the father of one of my tenth graders, I was sitting behind my desk nervously pulling at those ridiculous knee-high stockings that I used to wear under "slacks." As the conference progressed, somehow the subject of the Haunted House in Timonium came up and before I knew it, he was suggesting that I accompany him there. My reaction was gut level: I literally and loudly ripped the stockings I had been tugging on, broke into a sweat and stammered something about being busy for the rest of my life.

Over the intervening years, I've never hit bottom like that again, but I have had literally hundreds of parent conferences, some great and others unproductive. Most of the unproductive conferences occurred when the student was not present.

One of the simplest ways to open the lines of communication is to insist that your child attend a conference with you and his/her teacher. OK, so no normal high school student wants to sit through a parent-teacher conference. So what? We're not talking about what your child wants; we're talking about what he or she needs. Explain to your child that many of the first steps toward adulthood are awkward, but that the pay-off in terms of honest and mature communication is huge.

You can be instrumental in helping your child to articulate what he or she needs. By caring about what is happening in the classroom, you can demonstrate that you believe that a good high school educational experience will lead to his or her future happiness. Come into the school to let the teachers know that you support your child's academic efforts and that you want them to care about your child as an individual.

Another reason to come to school is for the support other adults can offer. Many parents are facing enormous challenges, often alone. Teachers and guidance counselors and administrators can help you find the support you need.

What should you bring to a conference?
1. Your child.
2. Your child's notebooks and planner.
3. A list of questions and a place to write down information that you don't want to forget (important dates, teacher's email address, etc.).

What should you do before the conference?
1. Talk with your child about his/her work in the class. Help him/her to identify areas of confusion or weakness so that those issues can be discussed.
2. Talk with your child about his/her behavior in the class.

What should you tell the teacher?
1. Information that could be affecting your child's performance.
2. How your child learns best.
3. How much time and effort your child is putting into homework.
4. Anything else that will help the teacher to understand your child.

What should you walk away with?
A plan that all three of you agree to implement. This should include what your child will do (or stop doing), what the adults will do (or stop doing) and how you and the teacher will stay in touch. Some parents like to use the student planner; others use email; others send notes or call the school. Work out something that will be easy for all three of you. The important thing is to keep the communication lines open. And keep your child where he/she should be - at the center of things.